Freda looks at her life


Freda felt guilty most of the time. She felt guilty about not seeing her disabled brother enough and guilty about not visiting her ancient father enough. One day she asked herself what feeling guilty was doing for her. Well for one thing it gave her something to anguish about to her friends. Who, because they were her friends said things like “It must be really hard, I’m sure you’re doing your best and well you have a lot on your plate.” These loving and understanding remarks made Freda feel better for a while. She had admitted her guilt and been absolved. Had gotten some attention, too. Feeling guilty about those two things didn’t change the situation. It wasn’t as good as remorse which might have created a change in Freda’s behaviour. If she had felt remorse she might have decided to go and see both her relatives more often. Her guilt didn’t change her brother’s disability or her father’s ancientness. Her guilt replaced thinking of things she could do that might ameliorate her relatives’ disadvantages.
Freda wondered what would happened if she didn’t feel guilty. Again nothing would actually change the circumstances of her relatives. But she might have a good deal more energy to do interesting things in her own life and that might have a positive spin off when she did eventually get round to visiting her relatives as she would be more cheerful and have more fun tales to tell. Then again she might be so busy having an interesting life, she might visit even less. It was a dilemma.
Freda also had a very messy flat. She felt guilty about that as well. She used up a lot of conversation time talking about it. Warned people how messy it was before they came to visit. She did try to tidy up from time to time but usually ended up making more mess as she never had time or energy to finish the job. She wondered how life would be if she just accepted that she was naturally messy and dirty. She would have to find other things to talk about and she would probably spend about the same amount of time looking for things in the mess as she did when she’d tidied them away and couldn’t remember where. She would certainly save on electric power (hoovering) and cleaning products. Hmm. Health concerns? Debatable.
The solution to having nothing to wear was simple. Two pairs of jeans, two t-shirts and two sweaters. One to wear and one to wash. Simple. Dull. But simple.
A new life appeared on the horizon. Simple, dull, guilt free, messy and dirty.
Freda decided just to go back to feeling guilty. The old ways are the best.

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One thought on “Freda looks at her life

  1. Hmmmm. This certainly made me think a lot about my own guilt 😉

    I particularly enjoyed this line “She would have to find other things to talk about and she would probably spend about the same amount of time looking for things in the mess as she did when she’d tidied them away and couldn’t remember where.” So true!

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